Thanks sandi, that's very encouraging, which is just what I needed right now. Things are so disheartening. Thank you so much.
Your words warm my heart. Whenever you have time (driving, sitting in a waiting room, can't go to sleep, etc) listen to motivational talks on You Tube. I don't mean on the subject of marriage, but rather on topics that feeds you as an individual man. Listen to what gives you hope and determination to embrace tomorrow. Don't make everything about your W, b/c you are more than just a LBH. You need to be very good to yourself, and work to rediscover the man apart from the MR.
For some, I think the LBH has to have a period where he intentionally avoids things that stir negative emotions, like listening to sad music, watching sad movies, reading nothing but negative subject matter. You know that old tech lingo......garbage in--garbage out? If we have access to a wealth of inspiration, knowledge, and healing, and we don't purposely feed on it......then how can we withstand depression, the sense of hopelessness, and other negativity that is trying to devour us? You must intentionally feed on that which makes you stronger, and equips you to handle the bad stuff that's trying to wear you down and make you give up on life. The advantage of having alone time, is that you can feast on the positive sources out there, as much as you want, whenever you want.
If you were Joe's life coach, what area would you suggest he tackle first? How is he doing physically? Is he on a good diet, sleeping well, and working out? If not, then garbage in--garbage applies. He needs to work on what he can control physically, before expecting great strides emotionally. Does he need to see a doctor? If so, then make an appointment, and be honest with the doc about the depression, insomnia, lack of appetite, or whatever. It is not a sign of weakness to go to your doctor.
Many LBH's on the board swear that working out at the gym was a life saver. They not only build their muscles, but work out that emotional stress that's trying to eat them alive. It is a huge plus to their self esteem.
Are you hanging out with good buddies? Don't isolate yourself, and don't be afraid to meet new people. If all your friends are linked to your W........then you might need to stay away from get-togethers where both of you would show up. Give yourself time to heal, before entering the lioness den again. I want to caution you about sharing anything with some of your married buddies. Don't think for a second that their W's won't pick them to find out what you've said. It's better to have one person who has no connection whatsoever with your W.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
