My ex did a lot of damage to my d. My d is in 7th grade and won’t sleep at a friends house because she doesn’t want to leave her mom.
Wolf I'm really not trying to beat you up over this, but I do think it's an important issue because you may be the one inadvertently poisoning your children and their relationship with their mom. And that could very well backfire on you. What you know in this example- your D doesn't like sleepovers. What you don't know- it's all your XW's fault.
I've raised two girls to adulthood and let me tell you, the 10-15 age range for girls in particular will really test your parenting abilities. They say strange things. They do strange things. My XW and I both read a book at the time called "Yes your Teen is Crazy!" which delves into the subject of the chemical changes taking place in their bodies and how it affects their judgment and thought processes and makes them do irrational, out of character things. Sometimes no one is to blame, not even them. Years later they will talk about certain events and how they don't have a clue why they said/ did them. It's part of going through that phase. You have to be understanding and loving, not blaming.
I think it is very unhealthy for you (and for your D) for you to constantly blame XW for D's behavior. Even if you know something is because of your XW, set aside the blame, it serves no purpose at all. Maybe you just post those things here and it doesn't affect your real-life relationships with them, but I have a feeling they're reading your attitude about XW like a book. Anger, hatred, jealousy. That's probably what they sense (it is what I sense in your posts).
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She won’t watch most movies because she is afraid of them. Example the Avengers. She is afraid of Getting sick. She washes her hands 10 times a day, all before this corona virus thing.
I hope you would agree that these are not things worth worrying about.
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There were periods of times my ex suffered from depression and anxiety. I tried to speak to her to go to a therapist and she would refuse. I tried talking to her maybe going on meds for a while she refused.
Whether or not she should be on meds is for a mental health professional to determine. You should never, ever make a suggestion like that to someone, I mean you might as well tell them "You are crazy and should be on medication." It's very rude and insensitive. Words like that can drive people away from you.
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She is also a hypercondriac, since the day we got married she always thought she had a major illness. When I would finally convince her to go to a doctor and they found nothing, a couple of months later it would be a new sickness or disease. And that was “passed” on to my d. She always thinks there is something wrong with her. Had to take her to doctors to show her there was nothing wrong with her. My d completely mimicks my ex.
OK so let's just say the above paragraph is true. How do you know this is your XW "poisoning" your D rather than it being something she inherited. People are not "trained" to have hypochondria, it's a mental disorder (somatic symptom disorder). So if your XW has it, then your D may have inherited it from your XW. Point being, even if both of them have it then that doesn't mean your XW is to blame for it. Honestly it doesn't sound to me like either of them have it. People who actually suffer from the disorder are constantly in and out of doctor's offices and hospitals. What you are describing sounds more like mild paranoia than actual hypochondria. But again that is for a mental health professional to determine. If you think your D has it then ask her IC to investigate it with her.
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But if my ex is “poisoning” her my d won’t see that. She only “sees” what the ex wants her to see.
I'm not convinced your XW is intentionally "poisoning" D. I think maybe you want really bad to see something that may not be there so you can be the good guy and paint her as the villain.
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All I know is I really don’t want my ex anymore.
Michele says in DR that when it comes to a marriage with kids, there's no such thing as divorce. The two of you are forever intertwined. I've seen cases where the exes maintained a cordial relationship and I've seen cases where it was complete War of the Roses. The former is far better for the children. Just something to consider.
