Riding the Wave 2

[Pommy99]

The part that I'm struggling to detach through is this new fun ping ponging where it isn't really day by day. It's legit hour by hour. And I know that's coming from the messed up head space he's in right now. I'm trying to keep cool about it. Be empathetic. And just let it ride because I know I still can't trust what he says. I can only trust what he does. And if I look at Pommy's sitch I don't even know if I can fully trust what he does. Signing a lease seems all well and good until it's not. So who knows. It was much easier with him checked out most of the time. Even angry checked out, as bad as that messed me and the energy in our house up it's nothing like this. His chaotic a** energy throws me off in large doses.

Ugh WF, I feel like we’re on the same merry go-round. Actually maybe not a merry go round but more like the waltzers (do you have those - spin one way, then spin the next...over and over ...till you can’t see straight, think straight , with a churning stomach to boot) . I am trying to let EVERYTHING slide over my head. The positive comments, the negative ones, the actions. I remember May telling me “walk away in your head”. It has been working I think. I now have a photograph of a lighthouse on the lock screen of my phone, on which I’ve written ‘Stop the Hurting. Every time I feel like picking up my phone to see if he’s texted, or thinking about texting him, I see this and move on as best I can.

Re the hurtful things you are hearing, yes this is hard, but like you I feel like I need to hear this. (I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to hear my husband tell me he’s not attracted to me sexually, but he still has desires, just not for me). But I do believe whatever the outcome there will come a time when he will remember the awful things you had to hear and how you calmly sat back and listened and didn’t judge. And for that you can hold your head high and know that you acted with class and dignity. That’s a hard act for any OW to follow. As the vets say, you are acting as a woman any man would be a fool to leave. {{hugs}}