(((Wayfarer))) You’ve had a rough few days and need a bit of time to re-center yourself—you will. I worry that it’s not cool for you to continuously listen to him dissect the dissolution of the OW R, like you’re his buddy there to help him figure out what went wrong. Is this starting to contribute to the sense of imbalance? You’re a bada** woman, so set that boundary if you need to!
Honestly letting him talk about OW and A doesn't bother me in the least. If he goes too far I say so and he backs off. Letting him purge about her gives me all the things I want to know without ever having to ask. All this is on his terms so he doesn't feel like I'm being intrusive. I get to have the closure on that dumpster fire chapter of my life with out putting any pressure on him. Which is not something I ever thought would happen. The only pressure may come if he decides he wants back in on the MR fully, he's gotta get rid of every option to contact her, and all the trinkets from their relationship.
The part that I'm struggling to detach through is this new fun ping ponging where it isn't really day by day. It's legit hour by hour. And I know that's coming from the messed up head space he's in right now. I'm trying to keep cool about it. Be empathetic. And just let it ride because I know I still can't trust what he says. I can only trust what he does. And if I look at Pommy's sitch I don't even know if I can fully trust what he does. Signing a lease seems all well and good until it's not. So who knows. It was much easier with him checked out most of the time. Even angry checked out, as bad as that messed me and the energy in our house up it's nothing like this. His chaotic a** energy throws me off in large doses. There isn't enough prayer, crystals, sage, holy water, saint medallions, candles, or physical distance in the world to neutralize what he's putting off right now. Honestly I think that's what going to be the hardest part to deal with between here and May. Finding an adequate amount of time and space away, as well as a way to recenter when I can't get all the time and space I need like this week because we have family musts with school stuff and a birthday.
