Thanks everyone. Figuring out what I want. That really is the thing, isn’t it. I want to be happy. Period. End of story. But I keep changing my mind on what it is I need to be that way. I know that I am happiest in a relationship and am not a serial dater. I want someone who loves me without reservation and someone I love the same way. I want someone who forces me to grow and vice versa. I want someone who appreciates me for the good qualities I possess and someone who accepts the rest. Is that Jack? I don’t know. Yes Don...he is the same person...but he is also different. I can’t explain it but the walls he had up before are just gone...like he has decided he doesn’t have anything to lose so he is just putting it all out there. The guy that I broke up with is not this guy. Will it last? I don’t know that either. He did say that he feels a lot better no matter what happens between us and loves me enough to let me go if that is what I want. I think I am going to enjoy the next week and then ponder it when I am in Vegas and away from my life.
Bttrfly - So much of what you say makes sense. It does. I’m just trying to figure out if I love him or I love the way he makes me feel. The “old” Jack was a bit mysterious...I was never sure how he felt about me. And while that can be intriguing in the beginning, it gets old fast when you feel like you are putting yourself out there and the other person isn’t. I did that dance with Jack and ultimately, I let him go. And I was good with my decision. And then this Jack shows up. The opposite of the first. Now he’s the one putting himself out there and telling me he loves me and I am beautiful. But is he doing this out of love or out of fear? He did say that I have raised the bar for him and that he can see himself being alone for a long time waiting for someone younger who is like me to come along. Is his fear that he might never find that person what is making him want to be with me? I agree that love is hard to find and when you find it, you shouldn’t just throw it away. But, as we all know, love is a feeling and feelings can change over time.
Yail - Such great advice about not managing other people’s relationships. I did that ALL of the time with XH...with my family but in particular, with his daughter. I made excuses for him and sometimes just outright lied so that other people wouldn’t think badly of him. It became a really bad habit and, ironically, the person I lied to the most about him was me. I don’t want to make excuses or lie anymore which is why I think I am agonizing about this so much.
