I just found out he has been having an affair with a 21 year old for at least 2 years, maybe 3. His parents live in another country and he goes there every 6 months. Come to find out, it's the cleaning girl.
Do you know the term "limerence"? Both of them are firmly caught up in the limerence phase of the relationship. Normally it wouldn't last years, but since they only see each other every 6 months then they are able to keep the "fantasy" relationship intact where everything is perfect and they don't have to deal with the harsh, unpleasant sides of a real relationship.
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I can't seem to get their conversations out of my head. He is acting like a lustful teenager. He says he's in love with her. He feels like a new man. They are soul mates.
Of course. Because they haven't had to deal with anything as a couple. They're living in a dream world where everything is sunshine and rainbows.
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They refer to one another as husband and wife. He is her king and she is his queen. He wants to take care of her and have children with her. He's telling her all of the ways he wants to make lover to her. Quoting poetry, etc. As I'm reading their messages all I can think about is WHO are you and what have you done with who I thought was my husband.
A lot of people refer to these situations as "invasion of the body snatchers" because the old spouse they knew seems to have had their personality removed and replaced with an alien. Sometimes the old version of them returns, and sometimes not. Often (like in my XW's case) they only come partway back. Anyway do look over the MLC forum and read all the stickies there, I think you'll identify with a lot of it.
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He asked her to marry him earlier this month.
Well that's different. I can't say I've heard of a married man asking OW to marry him while he is STILL married to the LBS! That's about as low and scuzzy as behavior can get.
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He's staying with a friend
Good. Do not let him back. He needs to do a lot of work on himself before you should consider that.
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I don't make enough to cover half of the finances. My response to him was "it's not that simple". I'm not agreeing to anything until I speak with an attorney. I have reached out to one that was highly recommended, but he is currently out of town.
Great! I've seen people here recommend contacting and getting a free consultation from all the best divorce lawyers in your area, because apparently if you consult with them then even if you don't use them your H can't either.
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I have no intentions of trying/wanting to reconcile. Even if I wanted to, he is too far gone.
That doesn't mean he's beyond hope but I can understand why you feel that way. If you give him time and space and move on, at some point the shine will come off his new relationship and he'll start missing his old one with you. But it could be a very long time before that happens. If he's in MLC it could take years to resolve.
