Last weekend H came and stayed at the house. We went on fancy date night that Friday, but he didn't feel well and the dogs had thrown up all over the bed and peed in the closet, so it didn't end on the best note. I cried because I was frustrated. H was very good about trying to comfort me, and I was good about not taking it out on him.� (def 180 there)
Saturday he worked a lot, and I felt like he was pretty standoffish but I know he was stressed so I tried to not take it personally and leave him alone. We went to a couple's house that we are friends with, and H brought up a previously discussed joint couples trip to them but then on the way home in the car said we are both still figuring out what we wanted, which hurt me. We did then did go home and have amazing time in bed, where I definitely felt loved.
Sunday morning he initiated a serious R talk before leaving that afternoon for a 2 week work trip. Spent all morning hugging me, kissing me, saying he loved me, saying he had wanted to wait to bring it up until after his trip b/c he wanted to be around and see where I felt about it instead of then jetting off for work.
We have spent the past several days discussing things. I've asked a lot of tough questions - like why the sudden turnaround? He has been impressively communicative and emotionally mature and thorough when answering. He has put in amazing time and effort telling me about his feelings, being super open and emotionally mature. H said that he was sorry for not believing that I could turn things around, but that he saw I really had done the 180s I talked about and that he can tell they were for me and not to win him back. I feel like we are actually on the same page and he is now solutions oriented and in touch and he appreciates how positive I am being, too. I've felt a whirlwind of emotions and just let myself feel them to get through them. I have been open about being scared to trust it, and he has really connected with me again emotionally. Sunday he talked about how he doesn't believe in soulmates (neither do I), but that he never fell out of love with me, but was miserable and hurt with how I was treating him. I sent him a list of things I need to trust it and where I want us to grow (many of these we discussed in MC). I have taken time the past few days to digest and see how I feel about it and how he is acting, and he is showing me with his actions. Has proactively contacted looking for a new MC (neither of us liked the one we had), being in way more contact, etc. A 180 on his part in the past few months. He said he feels much less codependent on me, and feels good about it. We are both careful to not get swept up in the positive emotions, which is reassuring. He said he knows it'll be hard, and that coming back is the harder choice than to leave because of what we need to work through, but that he thinks we can come out the other side together a stronger couple. He clearly has put a lot of thought into this and fully opened up. He has contacted work to see when/how he can move back home and still do whatever duties he is responsible for in the other office. He overall is just more...emotionally grounded I guess is the word? He put his wedding ring back on. I am zero percent confused on how he feels. He's noticed the positive reinforcement I have given him when he opens up and voiced appreciating it. We are still reading some books together. I do feel I handled the tension over the past few weekends when it occurred much better than I had before. I've been fully open about my concerns, but also my commitments. So, we will see, but I do feel good.
