I don't want a divorce II ---- NEW THREAD Part 4

[Traveler]

It's HARD to act detached. You love this man. I'm 9 months from initial BD and 2.5 months since a clean break. I'm still getting there. Don't get me wrong--I LOOKED detached enough to mostly fool a rebound for 1.5 months. I mean to say keep doing your best, learning and upping your game, but don't beat yourself up.

So he moses in at 10:30... I was on the phone. I did not say hello first. When I was off phone he asked if landscaping had been ther.

Yay! Focusing on you, letting the cat come to you.

He then says are you heading out... I clearly dressed and wearing boots but I doubt he REALLY looked at me. I said yes. I continued doing housework...

Nice! You didn't tell him when/where/why.

H: Did S18 tell you about the shower?
Me: No.. ????
H: I told him to be careful as its going to get hot. (On H's list of things to do was to adjust the scald guard on S18 shower)

Another good exchange. You're letting him do the talking.

Me: did you know the stinker bought a 3D printer?
H: Yes
Me: He told you but not me? It apparently arrived 2 days ago.
H: You learn things when you take out recycle.
Ok... whatever.

Was he expressing resentment? Maybe. If you're aiming for reconciliation you want him to express resentments. It's hopeless when they don't care enough to do that. You took it in a defensive, dismissive way.

I asked what paperwork he needed me to get? He said he already got it..

Woah! I thought you didn't want to divorce--why are you pushing him on the paperwork?!?! Did the previous maybe-resentment get under your skin and prevent a simple "I bet!" in response. Why are you the one taking the conversation into a negative, divorce direction?

Ugh.. I back slid... what was it for???

Yep.

So to see that right out in front... slayed me.

I bet. When my ex started shopping for a new couch, that was an indicator this wasn't going to blow over anytime soon. She was preparing for the long haul apart. I remember that moment. Sorry, KitCat.