2) I never expected he would show for the landscaping appointment. I do not think it is payback. Last night you gave him exactly what he has asked for.
Look, if you have any chance of turning this around you have to drop any guilt for DBing and DBing well! He asked for this, not you. He can end this at any time. His current circumstances are ALL his doing.....not yours!!!! I don't care how bad of a W you were pre-BD, this is all on him. Spending energy outside of the MR (As) or walking away, is not the answer to marital problems.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
2) I never expected he would show for the landscaping appointment. I do not think it is payback. Last night you gave him exactly what he has asked for.
Look, if you have any chance of turning this around you have to drop any guilt for DBing and DBing well! He asked for this, not you. He can end this at any time. His current circumstances are ALL his doing.....not yours!!!! I don't care how bad of a W you were pre-BD, this is all on him. Spending energy outside of the MR (As) or walking away, is not the answer to marital problems.
Steve85
Last night I got home. He never said why he needed the financial papers last night... I never addressed as I was going to address in person this am.
I got home and looked at the computer history. He was able all by himself to log on to where he needed and get all the paperwork himself. I saw that he did that.
Then I say he tried to log into my facebook page again.
For a man who stated he didn't want me in his business and he didn't want to be in mine... he is the one who is turning out to be the nosey one!!!!
2) I never expected he would show for the landscaping appointment. I do not think it is payback. Last night you gave him exactly what he has asked for.
Look, if you have any chance of turning this around you have to drop any guilt for DBing and DBing well! He asked for this, not you. He can end this at any time. His current circumstances are ALL his doing.....not yours!!!! I don't care how bad of a W you were pre-BD, this is all on him. Spending energy outside of the MR (As) or walking away, is not the answer to marital problems.
Steve85
Last night I got home. He never said why he needed the financial papers last night... I never addressed as I was going to address in person this am.
I got home and looked at the computer history. He was able all by himself to log on to where he needed and get all the paperwork himself. I saw that he did that.
Then I say he tried to log into my facebook page again.
For a man who stated he didn't want me in his business and he didn't want to be in mine... he is the one who is turning out to be the nosey one!!!!
Great! Use that to your advantage. The less you share, the more space you give him, the less you engage him, the more "nosey" he will get!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Was thinking that we are not at a point to give financial stuff to atty - haven't filled out disclosures yet.
I think he has a friend that he is bouncing numbers off of so I can see he would want the Edward Jones stuff but wouldn't need 2 months of bankstatements... THAT's a mortgage thing.
He was lamenting that he couldn't find a house and his realtor was terrible and he had a new realtor that is a relative of R's (male friend) that he is meeting with on Thursday and Friday. So why stay in town today when he is going to be in town the next 2 days.
Unless he did have an offer on a house and he was up yesterday and needed those papers last night. What is him making dinner was a way to discuss that with me???
What if he is not coming home today because he thinks I have already moved on so he has less guilt for himself in that department???
Lots of questions and rather than making mistakes with him... I'm venting here.
I do have plans after landscape appointment and was going to be gone the rest of the day until 9:30pm again. Just not to be home around him.... but now he has me curious....
That is your plan. No matter what his crazy does or doesn't do. You are still too focused on him. I agree you should vent here rather than make mistakes with him. Good way to look at it.
"Unless he did have an offer on a house and he was up yesterday and needed those papers last night. What is him making dinner was a way to discuss that with me???"
So what? He will let you know eventually. Who cares what his plans were last night. You handled it perfectly.
"What if he is not coming home today because he thinks I have already moved on so he has less guilt for himself in that department???"
Nothing you do in DBing is for him. You are still worried about how he is going react and feel about your DBing (not detached!!). So what if he thinks you are moving on? That is what you want him to think!! Do you really have any other choice at this point? He has an OW. He wants to move out. He wants a D. How is doing anything other than doing things to help you move on in your best interests at this point?
Trust me, your moving on won't make him want OW, moving out, and D any more than he already does. It may make him question if he is doing the right thing, however.
KEEP DBING!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Trust me, your moving on won't make him want OW, moving out, and D any more than he already does. It may make him question if he is doing the right thing, however.
KEEP DBING!
I will trust you Steve85... it's hard as heck when he said he would be here and he is not... very disappointed because inwanted to 180 and let him take the lead.
Trust me, your moving on won't make him want OW, moving out, and D any more than he already does. It may make him question if he is doing the right thing, however.
KEEP DBING!
I will trust you Steve85... it's hard as heck when he said he would be here and he is not... very disappointed because inwanted to 180 and let him take the lead.
Detachment = not letting his words and actions affect you emotionally. Work on that. The best way to do that is to have NO EXPECTATIONS! When he says he'll be somewhere and isn't.....water off a ducks back. He is a lying cheater. You can't believe ANYTHING he says and only half of what he does.
Keep doing you. Keep DBing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I look hot as h3ll... everything on point... even down only 12lbs it's a noticable result....
Wish he was here to notice me going out the door.
Not detached yet... cause clearly I want him to see what he is missing.
but have full day of GAL... brazilian followed by wine, food truck and music... shouldn't be home till 9pm.
Keep up the good work! Do all of that for you! Trust me, he will notice. And people that know you both will point it out to him.
My W lost about 30lbs leading up to BD. I can't tell you the number of people that would come up to me and say "X looks great! She's lost so much weight."
Trust me.......he will notice.
Last edited by job; 03/04/2006:03 PM. Reason: edited language
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
