Midlife wife crisis14

[Wolfman]

W,

I completely understand what you are saying and I feel your pain. You listen to all the advice her and implement it perfectly. You’re a fantastic dad who listens and understands that this is a really difficult time and strangers may even make it more difficult. It’s not your fault your ex is a horrible person and is to blame for everything. She even made you go out and get a gf who competes with your children for your attention. This is all her fault and I am so sorry you are involved in this mess.

Lol That was very impressive. I wish I could validate as good as you did. It’s a work in progress, but not at your level yet.

...her she fires back with hostility....

When she does this, how do you respond?

I respond by trying to validate her feelings. But if it becomes disrespectful I will not let her speak to me that way. So it depends on the text. I don’t validate as good as some of you but I am getting better.

Overr you are right I tried to save this marriage for a long time. I was using another program for a while I’m going to scramble his name but some of you heard of him (fort Martel) about giving, touch charges, talk charges, I did it for 5 months trying so hard. I was doing everything she complained I didn’t. I even went above and beyond putting rose petals on the bed. Buying roses. Giving her little gifts. It did nothing. Then I came here. Granted I wasn’t the best student. But I was willing to try. My d didn’t know about my GF until 2 months ago. 16 months after we separated. My d does not act like that around my ex and her BF. It’s just me.
Also the whole thing about sleeping on the floor. My d was having bad anxiety and she asked me to stay with her, so I did. I was trying to show my d I love her very much and would do anything for her. It never mattered. They only remember the few mistakes I made and run with that.
You also mentioned about detaching more from everyone and not try to work on everything. That’s who I am. I try to fix things and make everything better. I am trying to be the best parent possible. I am being calm now and loving. I want nothing but the best for my kids. But I also want some happiness for myself. I sacrificed a lot for the sake to make everyone happy, the ex and the kids. Against the advice of the board. I am so sorry I did not listen to a lot of you about taking the MBR back. I am so sorry that I just rolled over and gave her what she wanted. She had gaslighted next so much she had me believe I was this horrible vindictive person. And any time I did not agree she would say those words and I would quickly back down. I am very disappointed in myself. Maybe things would have been different or maybe not, but I would of had more self respect for myself. I was emotionally so strong until the BD. I wanted so bad to save my family, so bad, that I was willing to do anything to prove it, and in the end I just lost my respect. So now yes, I am doing things that make me happy and without hurting my children. Will there be things that might be hard for them to handle ( like me having a GF) yes!!! I know my ex is never coming back. And I am fine with that. I want to start the next chapter in my life.

Sandi I will address you’re post next. A lot to address there.