Need advice on stubborn W

[SteveLW]

Your W is wayward. Did this happen out of the blue or did she find this OM to get certain needs met? What needs were you not fulfilling? None of this excuses her behavior. She was and is a willing participant in an abhorrent act. Don't let this slide, but don't focus on this either.

I notice you mentioned a phone addiction. I was addicted to my phone for a while. It's unattractive, wasteful, antisocial, etc.. Has this changed?

We were living the normal life when last October we had a big event where i snapped about my dad caving in to give candies to Ds and my W was nagging me behind me about my dad is spoiling the Ds. After that a bunch of things started to happened. One detail i left out was that she offered her friend and her son to stay with us in a spare room because her friend was also undergoing a D.

Then things started to go downhill. I've noticed that my W was emulating her friend too. From wearing an anklet, to getting ear studs and suddenly wanting to use a Macbook (her friend has all these). She was basically trying to emulate her friend.

I've been sharing nuggets of info with her friend because she could see the hostility between us and her comments were "I think your W isn't thinking straight. I don't even like my current situation and she's trying to copy me. She doesn't know what she's missing."

On the phone addiction issue. I don't think it's an addiction. I was on my phone because i was working out of it. Clearing emails daily was my daily chore because i hate seeing the bloody red dot on my apps. My W mentioned that she was pissed off when i promised to take care of the kids while she clears hers and then i was on my phone. She ended up taking care of the kids. That was my fault i admit. I have broken the promise that I would take care of the kids. I've cleaned up my act so far but there's still room for improvement.

This morning she just got out of the house to work without even waking the kids up (she usually does this because we have to send them to school). A couple of hours later she sent me a screenshot of her work email sending to the OM that they have to stop communication because she received unnecessary confrontation due to misunderstanding from his family issue.

And she just posted a text; "there"

What is she trying to prove here? She is putting an end to this to spite me or she's telling me that she can resolve her own issues?

I replied "thank you for doing this to remove yourself from the situation". No response from her so far. Seems like she's really hell bent on moving away from me.

Went to a therapist earlier on and spilled out everything to her. She advised me to take care of myself but at the same time find a common connection point to work on it. Example, parenting issues, house issues. NO R talks for now. Seems very in line with DB too. Her only concern for me is that I'm displaying suicidal tendencies and also if I have what it takes to stand even if the results are still divorce or separation.

Sorry for the long post. These few days were just too overwhelming for me... And I really want to thank everyone here that read my post and giving me advice. This is very important to me that I'm not alone in this...

Let me tell you a little story:

In my first sitch, in 2005, I installed spyware on our home computer and caught my W IMing with another guy, intimate chats. Prior to that I had started to get suspicious. She was working on a project and liked to work after our D went to bed. Since I had to get up for work I would go to bed fairly early. She was staying up until 2-3am working on this project. Oh....and IMing with her OM. I got out of bed one night to share something with her and when I came into the home office, I saw her quickly switch her screen on the computer. That got me even more suspicious. So one day I snooped, saw a strange name on her IM client, and asked her about him. She was evasive, said he was an old friend from school (true), and that she didn't chat with him much or often (lie). When I installed the spyware the first conversation I captured was her telling OM about me asking about him. And she suggested that some evening, when I was around, that they could IM innocently to show me that there was no concern. The very next night is when I found a lengthy email where he spent 60% of the time trying to convince her to meet him so they could do what they had so often IM'd about sexually.

BELIEVE NOTHING SHE SAYS OR SHOWS YOU. She is an lying cheater. Never trust a lying cheater.

A better response would have been: "Interesting." Keep it vague. Make her wonder. The more she questions what you are thinking, feeling, planning, doing the better for you.