I sometimes wonder if he is also protecting himself from feeling feelings about me/about the situation by maintaining his distance in this way. Sometimes it hurts because it feels like indifference on his part, but I don't really believe that it is indifference. It seems more like a way he has to be to cope with his life right now.
Originally Posted by may22
I do think it is some combination of them feeling like it is all just easier/safer/smarter to cut bait on the old R and start afresh. They also see more of the damage to the R than we do, I bet, since they know what they've done or thought outside of the MR (whether an actual A or the thinking about it) and we only know what percentage of that we've been told or found out..
Originally Posted by may22
....so therefore in order to maintain their own image as a good person they need to build up this whole narrative about the M not working anyway, the AP being true love that can't be denied, etc. It has got to be so exhausting to live with those mental gymnastics. I do think space and time are critical factors. No-one can make this choice for them, to let go of the fantasy of what could be outside the M as well as the mirror image dystopian story they've built up about the M and its future-- and in the place of that be able to have the mental fortitude to do the hard work it takes to work on M2.0. It has got to be something they decide to do if it is going to work.
Originally Posted by wooba
Ego, pride, whatever it is....when they are not ready, just let it be. It easy to run. It takes hard work to face your choices and suffer the consequences. I imagine not many WAS can gather up the strength to do so.
Cardinal, May and Wooba - all such great and helpful insights into the MLC/WAS way of thinking. In black and white it all seems so accurate and certainly fits the behaviour of my H. Why is it so much easier to take this knowledge and dismiss it as inaccurate and replace it with our narrative that we the LBS have done something wrong to bring this unwanted situation upon ourselves? I’m happy that with time I’m starting to feel that self doubt drift away, not all the time but it is much better! ...I hope you are too Cardinal ...it’s so damaging for our own mental health.
Originally Posted by cardinal
How do any of these WAS change their perspectives? Obviously some do. We can’t do it for them. It seems a big factor is time—they need time and distance to perhaps begin to see possibility where they saw only justifications for their leaving before.
I find this so curious too...I know this is a marathon but when you see NO signs from H of thinking or dealing or “coming around” at all, it really is easy to feel hopeless. I truly feel like running is absolutely easier for him and I don’t see how he stops and deals with the painful emotions of what he’s done on top of what he’s already going through...I’m s-l-o-w-l-y learning to be ok with “time will tell”. (((Hugs)))
