Joining in with congrats, Can! I always admire your attitude.
Thank you ((( cardinal ))). That really put a smile on my face.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Can - just stopping by to offer my support and congratulate you on your job! That is excellent news, and I'm sure a huge burden lifted. Your H's return for a visit. So many scenarios could play out. Just let it unfold.
Originally Posted by CanBird
But I should GAL the first night he returns if possible. "I made plans so you two can spend time together. See you later...going to a friends." That would be different! I'd rather hang with my family. But I should make plans if I can.
I think this is an excellent plan!!
We are all here with our support on this journey.
Grace
Thank you ((Grace)). Support appreciated. You've summed things up well. Just let things unfold.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Just remember that he is coming back again quickly. Could be business, could be worry, who knows. But the point is he is doing it now and he will do it again. So don't treat this as a do or die. Just let things happen as naturally as possible without trying to steer them in any direction. Let him see that you are good with yourself whether he is there or not. They really do start to worry about why you are so happy, dressing better, losing weight, etc.
Great that you are treating yourself. Keep doing it. Having a job should make that easier.
Awwww Thank you ((Own)).
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Just remember that he is coming back again quickly. Could be business, could be worry, who knows. But the point is he is doing it now and he will do it again. So don't treat this as a do or die. Just let things happen as naturally as possible without trying to steer them in any direction. Let him see that you are good with yourself whether he is there or not. They really do start to worry about why you are so happy, dressing better, losing weight, etc.
Great that you are treating yourself. Keep doing it. Having a job should make that easier.
Awwww Thank you ((Own)).
I like what you said, Don't Treat this As a Do or Die. I will dress pretty and I will be okay.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
~J~My goodness. It is a roller coaster we're on. I'm up from getting the job, then down because 00 is coming. I know, I just need to not care, but it affects the decisions I'm making to move forward. He's like a ghost. Not real. MIL said she saw him & he was quiet. Like an alien took him.
More later. Sleepy
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
~J~ Would it be weird to say Happy Anniversary to 00 on BD day? Kidding! But I might?! Not, thatcwould be my normal. All jokes. I'm a happy person. Despite our BD Anniversary, I think 00 knows the date just happens to be while he's back here to finish things up. I know a few things he has to do; he shared. He also told be when he lands & ...I left my keys there. Guess he forgot he installed hide a key boxes before he left? His idea.
I had to share with 00 I got a job. It starts after he leaves. Who knows...maybe I will have a "meeting" or two? Be dressed nice..."oh...I have go ______" GAL! My plan will be to GAL the night he arrives. I'm considering not taking D3 to work with me, which I usually do. We'll see what she
My support system has been SO helpful this week. And my new employeer super accommidating. Some hiw managed to get a hair appt . I feel good. I'm trying really hard to be okay with my WAS situation. So many emotions. The ow doesn't bother me, it's this whole new life that's in another country. I'm a bit jealous. He gets to just walk away. Guess I'll try that a bit while he's here with D3. The visit is 7-10days.
So, when following his lead, what to say when he wants to get going with the D? Or just discuss things? I never wanted this. How do you navigate these legal talks without getting L involved?
I have tomorrow off. Looking forward to whatever the day brings.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Can, nope, no Happy Anniversary. Just be very happy on that day and a little mysterious.
I thought you saw a lawyer who did the filing for you? Make sure not to agree to anything without running it by the attorney. I know you guys have some property that will have to be resolved, any retirement, child support, alimony if applicable, health insurance for D, life insurance to protect the payments you get, automobiles divvied up, custody, visitation, given her young age, I'd also think about what happens if one or both of you dies, would he get her or would someone else, etc. If there is a way to swing it (maybe house equity) KML always suggests prepayment of obligations since these folks tend to have job and solvency issues down the road.
Try not to leave yourself with restrictions (like you can't move without his permission, or can't travel with her, things like that). You can always be kinder than your decree if you want, but if it is in there you will be required to meet it. If you can get him to auto pay his commitments, that's good too. Maybe also try to put in there that he has to let you know within X days if he moves or changes jobs, and provide the name of the employer and his address and contact info (given his 00 status). Don't assume that the way he deals with you now is the way he deals with you forever. Just about all of them get nastier over time and disappear for at least a while.
Definitely follow his lead. You can tell him it isn't what you wanted, but that you are not standing in his way. Let him do the talking and don't commit to anything until you run it by your lawyer. You should have already had some discussions with the lawyer about what you will get, etc. Make sure you know the timing and what happens next, etc. I think the stronger you can be in that conversation, the better. Make him see that you accept it and are moving on. That is far more terrifying for them than someone who says "ok, I'll be waiting for you here forever."
Don't be afraid of getting a resolution done either. They are always nicer when they feel guilty. Later on you are just a pain in his butt and a hindrance to his happy life and he will complain about everything he pays you.
How do you navigate these legal talks without getting L involved?
You get a L involved.
The way you expressed that question highlights your wise and valid concerns about getting steamrolled or taken advantage of - “navigate these legal talks”.
Own has great advice and suggestions, which illustrate the amount of navigating that is required.
A general discussion, listening to his feelings and his plans, stuff like that is all fine. When it come to the details of the deal, you are in lawyer territory.
This is a business deal gone sideways, treat it as such. Your “business” partner wants out and did some less than ethical stuff, you don’t take them at their word. It probably doesn’t feel that way to you; I remember that time and just how counterintuitive it all was.
Let him push the speed of this - if it comes up. You are guessing and expecting it to happen. It’s hard to keep expectations at zero and yet still be prepared. The first is emotional, the second is intellectual - if that helps.
A final note at the moment. As said, do not be afraid to resolve the D if H is really bent on it AND it is a good deal. At the beginning a lot of WAS are feeling guilty and will offer more than half in an attempt to assuage their feelings. If he is making a really good deal, you will need to make a choice.
From discussions with a L you know your default legal settlement - the 50/50 spilt kind of thing. After that it’s listen and see what H wants. Divorce may not even come up.
Stay strong girl.
You got this.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
