1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[Pommy99]

May, I think that’s a great idea, to write the letter but not give it to him. I think it will help me process some of the guilt that I am feeling. H tells me it’s in the past and we need to look forwards (whatever the outcome) , but I don’t feel like it’s been dealt with. He himself uses the term “psychological blockage” in reference to having sex with me. If (big IF) we have any chance of R then this needs to be dealt with in some way. He is not seeing an IC, he keeps saying he will but then does nothing. I guess he’s really not motivated to.

We haven’t really discussed the “trial” separation. However at the weekend he did say that in his mind we were breaking up and he was not going to be wearing his wedding ring. I was pretty miffed at this. I thought a trial was a time of reflection whilst still married, to understand if you wanted to be in the marriage or not. I feel he’s looking to see how much fun he can have out on his own. He did say that he wants the period of time to live life not feeling that I am there as his wife, to not have me to fall back on, and wearing his ring would be a reminder of me. I explained that I felt it was giving me and everyone else a message of being single and if that’s his approach then we should just separate and not pretend it’s anything other than a full breakup. He did then acknowledge my point of view and said he would keep his ring on. I asked him to do what he felt was right for him, and not what would appease me. Let’s see how this ends up. Of course I will have no idea if he is wearing it or not!

On Monday night H greeted me after work with a huge hug. He’d been reflecting on what I had told him about the IC’s comments: when was I going to accept that he didn’t want to be in the marriage, etc. It had made him feel sad that I had to even have that conversation with the IC. It was making him question again how he could feel so strongly about me, but at the same time need to leave. He admitted that he was frightened, and that the closer MO becomes a reality, the more frightened he becomes. I didn’t ask him to stay, I didn’t say it’s not too late to change your mind, I simply validated and kept my thoughts to myself. I am trying to keep my fears at bay will endeavour to view the time as a positive step, and not a bridge to divorce .