another thing that might be interesting to look up is the term 'hysterical bonding' which is what happens sometimes after an EA or PA is disclosed. H and I had that - for about three months - after I discovered him in an EA. It was a strange time, and looking back, I think extremely unhealthy. When that all faded away - as it must - I remember feeling rejected and unloved all over again. He thought things were getting back to normal and we were leaving painful times behind us, and I felt he'd been faking his desire in order to keep me in the marriage,
Alison thanks for your insights into being the rejected partner. I’m sorry you had to go through this. I really had no idea the impact my behaviours were having on my M and my H’s mental health.
I have heard about hysterical bonding and I did wonder last year if it was what I was experiencing. To a degree it was, although the ending of the SSM came about after a night out and a month before the discovery of the EA and the revelation that H was in ILYB territory. But after the BD i went into this high-desire state where I wanted sex every time I lay next to him in bed (unfortunately he didn’t) . I couldn’t understand where all these hormones had arrived from and I kept praying he’d get his drive back before my hormones packed up again! That was 12 months ago and I still feel high-desire. Might I still be hysterical bonding?
Scout12, thank you for sharing your post about igniting desire. I wish more than anything that I had had the foresight to research why I felt no desire for so long, and the impact it would end up having on my M. It is a great post , and I hope others find it insightful as well.
Cardinal, I too was wondering whether to write an apology letter, not to include my justifications or excuses, but to validate and apologise. Or maybe it’s too late. I’m mulling this one over. I don’t want to do anything right now that might cause even more damage to the situation and the fact he is MO in less than 2weeks
M:49 H:49 T:20 M:18 D:16 D:14
EA: Feb 2019-May 2020 Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020 H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020 EA relapse: Oct/Nov 2020 Recon #2: since Nov 2020
