1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[Pommy99]

Hi all I’ve had a couple of days reflection since reading your posts. Please nobody feel like they are hijacking- this is exactly the discussion I want to have and your thoughts and experiences are really helping.

I’m feeling really pained by the whole SSM thing and that I haven’t dealt with this at all well. H and I have discussed it previously and although I have apologised for my part in it, I’ve never really validated or understood on a deep level how it made him feel at the time and how he feels about it now. Our discussions have always been about how I felt (or didn’t feel) that led to me withdraw from and reject him, and he’s accepted his part in not showing me the love I needed. He has told me he felt worthless, that there was something wrong with him, and it made him very depressed. I feel like there is more I need to understand - or perhaps I just want an opportunity to validate and apologise for how I treated him, without laying out all the excuses.

. He's scared that you're just doing this to lure him back and once he's firmly back in his pen, things will just go back to the way it was before. (My H has said as much to me. I think it is only recently that he's coming to understand that I have fundamentally changed my feelings about sex.

I have been wondering if there is fear. When I have said to H about wanting us to have a fulfilling sex life he has said on more than one occasion that he thinks I just want sex, but not necessarily with him. Perhaps he doesn’t trust that I could go for so long rejecting him that I could possibly desire him again. I’ve tried to reassure I absolutely desire him, and that although yes I do want sex, my preference beyond doubt is to have that with him and not just anyone.

then we went through about nine months of him saying he wasn't attracted to me and could never imagine having sex with me, but randomly in the middle of the night would wake me up for sex. it was always slam-bam-thank you maam (like 5 minutes or less) and afterwards he felt bad,

same for us. He was making a weekly effort but it was far from loving and connecting. He’d then go quiet afterwards, and what we’d just done was never mentioned again! It’s been two months now and he is just not prepared to go there. Like your H, he has also said he was doing it because he knew he had to try and because he knew I wanted to.

I worry a little that you're thinking if he only really understood that you're different now, you want him, it could all be fixed if only he'd get over this little hump of thinking he doesn't want to-- everything will be back on track. (I say this because I thought this, six months ago. Like the day I told him I wanted a passionate sex life no matter who it was with, in the back of my head I thought that might turn the corner for him.

Yes I probably am in that space because he consistently tells me that our M is perfect bar the lack of sexual attraction. This is the sole reason he gives me for leaving. (But he has checked me out my underwear twice this week, said my knickers were sexy and that my boobs look nice! I’ve learned to let those kind of comments slide off me!)