The W moved out last weekend. I came home from running errands to find a crew of people moving her furniture from my house into a moving truck. She never communicated she was moving that day nor where she was moving too. I just felt this overwhelming feeling of being a failure, like I was at fault for all of this. Some of my neighbors were assisting and most wouldn't even look at me. I called my kids to make sure they were good to go and they said they were. The W stopped me to argue as to who got the Dyson vacuum cleaner. I couldn't think as I was just overwhelmed with sadness and asked her to give me a few days to think about giving it up. I left and just went to a few furniture stores - I was a complete wreck.I did manage to buy my son a replacement bed as my W took his in the move. I came home and the house just felt empty. I ended up calling the girl i was seeing (probably not the smartest decision) and she just listened to my woes.
I took yesterday off and tried tidying up the house. I made it through my son's room. i gathered all of his baby clothes, which wrecked me, and then I discovered he threw out all of his baby pictures in the trash. He moved out all of his gymnastics medals too. Talk about an emotional punch to the gut!!! I did manage to pick him up from practice and bring him to mom's house. I went home and went to bed.
I am seeing a new IC tomorrow and she's agreed to see my daughter too. My daughter? She's reluctantly agreed to go, but has already asked to spend my upcoming weekend at mom's "to adjust some more". My son stated he will stay where his sister stays.
I feel like I have regressed - my anxiety is back and I wake up every 90 minutes in the night. I feel a lot of self-imposed guilt that I'm trying to let go of. I just feel abandoned and depressed! I am still not on OD, which is a good thing. I remember feeling this way after the BD, but this time, it doesn't feel as bad. I have to force myself to be thankful of the things I do have.
I am still in NC with the W, minus 3 texts about the kids schedule. For some reason, I just started to miss her all over again. My heart seriously feels a lot of pain right now.
I'm working out tonight and have began studying how to refinish furniture.
