Living in the Light - Part II

[bttrfly]

Tells me he loves me and values the time we spend together for as long as we have left. And there is the million dollar question... exactly how much time is that?

Do any of us know?
Seriously, I spent last night at a wake for a 16 year old kid who was killed by an 80+ year old woman who cut in front of him without a directional light. Kid was on a motorcycle. Had no where to go but the side of her car.
My point: nobody knows how long we've got. Carpe Diem sister.

Argh!!! I am such an idiot. I love him. I do. He has a lot of great qualities and he is honest and I know would not cheat on me. Like me, he says it is just not something he has ever done or could do.

I see no problems here

But the age difference is still a major factor and I’m not sure I can get past it. It is fine now...while I still look 40...but that isn’t going to last. And he hasn’t been married or had kids or done a lot of things I have done already. He could still find someone younger than him and do all that. And while he is perfectly happy to throw that away today, what about five years from now? He will be 44 and I will be 57.

I'm 55. I'm told all the time I don't look it. What do you think you're going to look like in your late 50s? You are fit, healthy, etc. Do you get where I'm going with that question?

This isn't Jack's problem. This is yours to resolve. I don't see you saying anywhere that Jack wants kids, or wants to get married or anything other than he wants to be with you.

Honey, love is a very precious gift. Could it be that you're scared to get hurt again, so you're manufacturing blocks to your relationship with someone you love who loves you? Think about it.

And then there is my family. My kids are not a problem. They just live in the moment and they like him. I asked them if it would be okay if he stayed with us for a bit and they said they would be totally fine with it. My other family, though, are not on the same page. They know the Jack from before and think he is completely wrong for me. I get it. If I were them, I would too. Jack and I did talk about his social anxiety. He says when he is in a group of people, he feels like his brain is in a wheelchair and he can’t think of what to say...is worried about being misunderstood or judged. Having said that, he came to my pool league last night and said hi to my friends and was a lot friendlier than he has been albeit still quiet. My sister gives him a hard time whenever she sees him and tells him to stop yelling. And then there is XH’s mom. I still have not told her Jack is staying with me for a couple weeks. I know she will not be happy. I am kind of hoping she doesn’t notice right away. She did say hi to him last Thursday when he first arrived but their paths haven’t crossed since. I know she will disapprove so I am avoiding.

I know you love your family and they love you. Put them aside while you figure out the other questions I asked you please.

Part of me says to just enjoy my time with Jack and the great sex and the way that he looks at me and live for the moment.

Listen to her.

The other part of me says I am playing with fire and one or both of us is just going to get hurt in the end.

That voice is the voice of fear. Do you want to give it an audience? Your choice.

Sigh...why is life so fricken complicated?!?

It's not. We tend to complicate things in an effort to stay 'safe' - which often equates with not living fully in the present.

putting down my 2x4 now. love you! xoxo