Over the last few months, I've been noticing that our relationship has been much much better. I just kept being the best dad and father that I could. As I've stated before, my W was much more quick to embrace my changes than my D was. It is important to remember that I was as bad of a father as I was a husband. I could make excuses (stressful job working 90-100 hours a week, etc), but none of that matters. The fact was I was absent. And when I was there I was surly and grumpy. I did some things right (never missed her school and sporting events, etc, always took care of her monetarily), but in general I was a bad father. Half of being a father is being there and being engaged. And in a positive, supportive way. I wasn't even doing that.
So after BD 2017, I started instituting my changes. I went to IC. I read self-help books. I learned the art of empathy and validation. I 180'd on bad behavior. I remained emotionally consistent no matter what the problem or behavior.
As I said, by about May 18, my W was fully trusting and embracing of my changes. It took my D way longer.
Last night we went to her varsity girls' basketball team playoff game. She chose not to play this year for a lot of reasons.
Anyway, I met her and my W halfway, then we rode to the game together. D wanted to sit up front (never does that!) Then at the game we walked single file down to a bleacher seat, me, my D, then my W. She walked to the other side of me and sat down (so it went her, me and my W, me in the middle). NO WAY does she choose to sit there a year ago. Then when we stopped on the way home (after eating) to get my W's car, D hopped out of the back and hopped in the front of the truck with me. Again, a while back no way does she choose to ride home with me instead of my W.
I was so emotional thinking about this week. People, make small changes in your life today! The dividends will eventually pay off.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
