We do not go in-depth about affairs because our goal here to help those who come here to heal, to find themselves and begin to grow and learn how to live again.
Some affairs happen because the person is broken inside, not happy w/themselves, think the grass is greener on the other side, feels lost/confused and needs their egos stroked. Some affairs are used to exist a relationship because the person can't or won't end it themselves, but hope that their spouses will kick them out and file for divorce. Some people have affairs because of the excitement of having a secret between two people. Whatever the reason, affairs are wrong. There is truly no justification for going out there and having an affair. If someone is thinking of having an affair, they should end their relationship/marriage and then consider what their next choices are.
If the two parties should decide to try to reconcile after one person has had an affair, it's going to be a lot of hard work. Why? Because the spouse who had the affair will need to end the affair, become transparent in all that he/she does, and most importantly earn the trust of the other spouse. It takes a long time for someone to get over a spouse having an affair.
Sure, it's good to have a better understanding of why affairs take place, but the bottom line is communication between two people. If someone isn't happy in the relationship, then they need to speak up, not go out there and have an affair. Relationships are work and usually someone seeking an affair wants to take the easy road to "maybe an affair will make me happy". It's someone new and exciting and not the usual routine w/my spouse. Bottom line, the euphoric feeling of having an affair will eventually burn out and then what? Some have lost the respect of their spouses, family and friend divorce is on the horizon. My hat is off to anyone that can reconcile after an affair and get passed it and make a new marriage...but I would venture to say that the spouse that was left behind, will be watching for any signs that a new affair has begun for quite some time.
As I stated above, a relationship recovering from an affair will take a lot of work, honesty and trust to make it work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
