Learning how to stand, hope, & keep moving

[may22]

I do think it is some combination of them feeling like it is all just easier/safer/smarter to cut bait on the old R and start afresh. They also see more of the damage to the R than we do, I bet, since they know what they've done or thought outside of the MR (whether an actual A or the thinking about it) and we only know what percentage of that we've been told or found out. And, by standing, we're all saying that we believe in this R and that it is fixable-- and therefore focusing on the positive-- and they're in the opposite corner, focusing on the negative and all that. I think cognitive dissonance plays a huge role too, especially with infidelity (would need to think on it more if there wasn't an OW involved)-- no-one wants to think of themselves as an immoral person, and the vast majority of people believe infidelity is immoral (Esther Perel says the only sin that gets TWO commandments, one for doing it and one for just thinking about it)-- so therefore in order to maintain their own image as a good person they need to build up this whole narrative about the M not working anyway, the AP being true love that can't be denied, etc. It has got to be so exhausting to live with those mental gymnastics. I do think space and time are critical factors. No-one can make this choice for them, to let go of the fantasy of what could be outside the M as well as the mirror image dystopian story they've built up about the M and its future-- and in the place of that be able to have the mental fortitude to do the hard work it takes to work on M2.0. It has got to be something they decide to do if it is going to work.