Detachment is a difficult balance. Don't care too much, but care just enough not to become completely apathetic.
IDK if this will be a good analogy or not, but here goes. When I was a teenager, my cousin and I were like sisters. We lived several states apart, but we wrote letters and couldn't wait till summer vacation came b/c her family would come visit several weeks. Well, somewhere along the way we stopped writing and were busy growing up, getting M and having children. We only saw each other during family reunions every few years or so. The closeness was gone, although we still had a lot of in common. In tragic events, we are still there for each other, but for the most part, we are not involved in each other's personal lives. It use to bother me that she showed no interest in restoring our previous relationship, and she's friendly enough, but it's not the closeness we once shared. I don't know about her activities, and she doesn't know mine. We became detached. I will always have a love for her, b/c we shared the same grandparents and have wonderful shared memories, but our lives took separate paths. It no longer grieves me, b/c people do change. I finally accepted that it is what it is, and I've been able to let it go. I have not thought about it in years, until now.
As I said, it may not be that great of a comparison. Detaching is hard to explain. I know exactly how I feel when I am detached from someone. They no longer affect me emotionally, either way. I'm not angry at them, but I don't try to get cozy, either.
I like the sound of your last post. You sound a lot stronger, so give yourself a gold star. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
