So I never stopped not being the one to start a convo. It's something I've stuck with throughout this. And I mean any convo. Not just R talks. I will not speak until spoken to first, with the exception of kids and bills. Last night when I went to lay down and after talking to my bff who I swear says everything May says just in her way, lol, I was still feeling a little raw, but just kinda of different. Like I had a better handle on my pain and realizing this man I love is in his own pain. He made this huge mistake, and risked everything, and it fell flat. And worst of all not only did it fall flat it fell flat exactly the way I said it would when screaming at him when all this started. AND it happened just a couple weeks short of the day I asked to not speak about our relationship until. He broke his own heart, he had his heart broken, and worst of all, and he said this yesterday, not the worst of all part, but I was right, because I'm always right. Laying there I felt like I had to let him know that I was empathetic. I just sent a simple text that said "FWIW I'm not sorry she went back to him, but I am really sorry that you were hurt like that. I hope you know that. Goodnight."
I had a lot of off campus meetings this morning. I was gone all day. I didn't even check my phone. I got a text at lunch time that said, 'FYI Not sure if your care or not but the OW situation emotionally messed me up pretty good." I responded with that it's hard sometimes, but I care a lot that he's hurting. I'm always here to listen, and that I've been all of us in this mess at one time or another. I understand what he's going through better than most. He asked if we could talk about it tonight...funnily enough no we can't. I have GAL stuff and work stuff tonight. So I told him I'd set some time aside for him if he'd like me to later in the week and he said that would be nice. I'm a little worried about what I'm going to be subjecting myself to offering to be there for him. I'm just hoping I can keep enough space between me wayfarer the betrayed wife and me wayfarer WH's friend and reformed cheater for my sanity and emotional well being. I know it's counter intuitive to be his soft place to fall after what he's done but I feel like this is how I'm going to get the answers I want about the A with out being a cop about it, and this is a way to show him that I'm not the person he's made up in his head justifying what he's done.
