Listen, we don't know each other outside of this board, so I always tell people they can take my advice or leave it as it may or may not apply, but something you said in your last post really stuck out to me. I get that you don't want to take the pills unless it is necessary. Coming from someone who just does NOT like to take any meds period, so the doctor has to fight me to take any, going to counseling and accepting and using an anti-depressant from my doctor was THE best move I ever made. Now, I'm not telling you that is a magic cure or anything, but I took the anti depressants for about 6 months just to get by and then I gave them up. So, don't be so quick to rule out something that can really help you. I promise, if you focus on working on yourself and your kids, this will all get better one day....and yes it will take time.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids