Holy $hit where to begin. I don’t think neither of you are fit to be parents and your children don’t have much of a chance but you’re the one here so I’ll give you the advice. Get them in therapy and make it crystal clear to your W not to talk to your daughter like that. EVER!
Do you not see the irony where you tell your daughter not to rush into anything with someone????? I thought your gf was in her twenties or something. Why is she still living at home at 40?
Anyways focus on your kids Wolf they need someone normal and dependable and right now you may be the closest thing to it.
