[ScottB]

A lot has happened in the past weeks. We went to the meeting with the pastor. I thought it went well, she felt ambushed by his comments. We had mediation. I told the woman that I had hope for my marriage when I was one on one with her and she called my wife in and told her, which really pissed her off. We’ve had a couple of nice talks but things are moving ahead towards divorce at this time.

I found the Solo Partner to be really helpful in giving me insight, specificities the Pursuer Withdrawer chapters and I think everyone should read that to understand their role. I also really did like No More Mr. Nice Guy. Ive been learning about Childhood Emotional Neglect, which is interesting. I’m now going to IC weekly to try to work on feeling my feelings.

My counselor, my divorce coach, and a good friend of mine who is getting divorced all seem to have hope in my situation, which is hard for me to see. My wife will be nice but then very cold. They seem to think that she isn’t sure what she wants, but we’re moving ahead so...

I’m trying to take care of myself and got a deep tissue massage last week for the first time, that was a game changer for about 48 hours. The best I’ve felt in years. Across the board I’m trying to find ways to re-energize and take care of myself. Sleep has gotten better and my appetite is coming back. Spring will help as I’ll be able to get outside more. Thinking about the future causing anxiety and I’m trying to focus in the moment.

I’m hopeful that as I go through counseling and work on myself I’ll become a better man, that hopefully she’ll trust in Scott 2.0 and we can move forward, but best case that is probably 3-4 months down the road and I’ll have to go through hell between now and then.

One little thing I’m doing that I think makes a difference is making eye contact when I talk to her. The eye is the window to the soul. I also read that if you look left eye to left eye, that helps with emotional connection. Might be total bullshit but I’ll try anything.

Last week I did grab dinner with a friend. In three weeks I have a guys trip planned and I did book another massage; so that’s kind of what’s been going on. I set a weekly coffee with a friend of mine to keep my spirits up. Life is really busy with kids stuff so hopefully I can get my mind off of some of this, but unlikely. The next mediation session is going to be a nightmare as we discuss the parenting plan.