(((Wayfarer))) I’m so sorry you’re now dealing with this. I so get the frustration. It makes sense that you feel like you’re in panic mode again, but like you say, this feeling of panic will subside, and you’ll be able to check in with yourself again. But I don’t think he’s leaving you just to leave you, even though it may feel that way right now. He’s trying to make it about you, but it’s not. He’s confused and searching for some external thing that will make him happy. The way I see it, he’s not running from you, he’s just running and always has been; the AP was just something concrete he could latch onto. He’s still running toward a fantasy something/someone that will “fix” him.
No matter what he does or says, you are not the root of his problems. OW didn’t work out, so maybe he has to keep running to find out there’s no magical thing/person out there that will make him happy. This doesn’t mean he can run forever.
Vent here—feel the anger, frustration, hurt, all of that, but try not to act out of that place yet. Hope gets drowned out by these emotions, in my experience, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone! Ride this wave. You can do it.
