OW went back to her boyfriend. WH says he still wants to move out though. He still wants out of the marriage. I asked why he can’t even try for us. Why he can’t give it like 3 months. What does he lose? He said 3 months. I said I already lost 4. I told him I won’t beg him to stay. Or beg him to love me but it’s pretty effed up that he’s completely unwilling to put in any effort into repairing this. That he thinks so little of me and marriage that he can’t give trying 90 days. We left the convo very open ended D17 came home early.
I want to scream at him. This is ridiculous. I’ve been fighting one demon this whole time to find out I’m digging to bf against so much more. I feel like I’m in panic mode all over again. It’s like another bomb drop. I’m still secure in him leaving. But I feel like complete garbage that he’s leaving me just to leave me. There was some level of security when there was OW. He was running towards something. Now what? He’s just running from me? This is exhausting. I just want to say screw it. There no point of having hope. There’s no point in DBing. Might as well just lay it all on the table.
Ugh. I know I’m just panicking. I need to just keep trucking here but it’s getting harder and harder to see why. He’s convinced there’s nothing here for him but climbs into bed and spoons me sex or no sex. I’m so over the mind eff.
