1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[Pommy99]

Hi Pommy,

Just wanted to send you good vibes and I'm thinking of you. I'm so sorry... I hope you are doing okay. Remember, you were saying you thought it was a good thing for him to MO so that you both could have some space to get some clarity... take this for what it is and try to focus on all the positives for you personally that this could bring. Space, clarity, time... anything else? I made a whole long list of all the good things that would come out of H moving out or into the basement and kept focusing on them all of December/January... I think it really helped me and maybe it could help you too?

Did you end up having a family day? remember, you are under no obligation to do anything. If you'd prefer the time to yourself to go get a mani/pedi or just be alone... do it. You don't need to assuage his guilt in any way.

Anyway, I hope you doing OK. You are strong and amazing and don't need him to be happy or whole... he is the one who is f**ed up and has to get his $hit together. Hopefully this helps him to do so.

xx M

I know that MO now seems to be the only option. He really does need to go as he is unable to get off his own merry go-round, and I’m still on it as well. I don’t want it to happen but at the same time I want it now, and not to drag on for another 2 weeks.

H has returned to the MBR. I’m sure this is for any other reason than it’s more comfortable. But we STILL are physically close at night (but not sexual). I’ve kind of decided that if he’s going anyway then why can’t we sleep in the same bed and enjoy some kind of comfort in each other’s presence. Yesterday I lay in bed for a while after he had got up, and he came back into the room, sat on the bed and we started to talk. He then removed most of his clothes and got into bed with me. This is the bit I don’t get. He pulls me close, runs his hands all over me, strokes my skin in such a loving way, and that’s as far as it goes, and I’m not pushing it to go further as I don’t want to pressure him. However I told him that I wanted us to be intimate and he said he could do it if that’s what I wanted - that he’s a guy after all- but it wouldn’t change anything or mean anything to him, that there’s no emotion connected to it. I declined. I didn’t want to feel like a one-night stand. And exactly the same thing happened this morning. He pulled me close, I mentioned that I liked skin contact with him (because he was stroking my back). He then took his top off, held me tight but that was it. And I know this is the worst thing for my detachment. And I know I shouldn’t try and understand what goes through his head. But ugh!!! He’s full steam ahead with MO, should I be kicking him out of the MBR again?