Oh - and just to add: one of the things he's really really upset about. He wants Youngest to go to a particular school. He's never actually visited or looked into this school, he's just going on its reputation. I have visited and spoken to the parents of children at that school and also talked to Youngest's teachers about suitability. I don't really have a strong opinion: I can see the good points and the bad points, we're not at a stage where a decision is needed, and am happy to keep an open mind. H knows this. H really really wants Youngest to go to this school, and believes we should hire a tutor to prepare her for the entrance exam and not give Youngest the choice. I said if he wanted to hire a tutor I would not stand in his way, would pay from it from family funds (so a joint expense - and I contribute double to our 'joint expenses' pot than he does because of the disparity in our incomes) and I'd certainly not discourage Youngest or undermine him, but as I was open minded about other possibilities I'd like us to keep those on the table. This all felt very reasonable to me. But apparently this is me throwing my weight about, over-ruling him in front of the kids (we've never had a discussion about this in front of the kids) controlling him, saying who he is allowed to be as a parent, and my motivation for this isn't what's in the best interests of Youngest, but all about making sure that Eldest comes first and that my friends approve of my behaviour. I genuinely have no idea what he is talking about, other than the fact that while I am willing to co-operate with him, I don't agree entirely with him and am not prepared to obey him mindlessly. I didn't say that at the time but I did tell him he was being absolutely ridiculous a couple of days after the night in question. I am not sure this is a man who can be happy with compromise: it seems there's obedience, or he feels controlled. He doesn't seem to be able to feel okay in himself if he knows I have a different view to him. This concerns me.
