Thank you Peacetoday. The reminder to let emotions wash over and fall away is so important. I remember you saying how bad your financial situation got ...I do still have some areas that I need to button up here.
I’m struggling with letting go of ‘schooling’ my shark eyed H. Because I’m a rational thinker I feel strongly about things being done a certain way. The key here is H right now couldn’t care less how S or D get done he just wants it done at any cost. His words consistently say he wants to be amicable and keep things out of court but his behaviour is the exact opposite. He gave me a $DA that 2 separate lawyers said was incomplete and that I in no way had to act upon. I still have yet to hear from his L (which he’s been threatening since Sept). I recently sent a message stating the documents that my L will require once I retain her services. I feel strongly that we can at least gather these documents on our own and save unnecessary cost of L back and forth at this stage. H wrote back that his lawyer has all of the requested documents (which I 100% know is false) and that my lawyer can contact his...while repeating yet again he wants to do this amicably and without going to court to avoid extra cost.
Here’s where I need some ”schooling” please....
I FEEL the need and want to do things my way. Just because he doesn’t care about spending $$ right now and wants someone else to do everything for him, I do not have to do the same thing. I want to write back and state that I’m choosing not to involve my lawyer to gather factual paperwork at this stage and for him to have his lawyer pass along his accurate FD forms to me - this allows me to see how honest he’s being and to also provide my lawyer with the documents he’s left out ...without paying for my lawyer to basically tell him what’s missing after I tell her. Do I have this backwards?? Am I not being rational? I also feel compelled to point out to him that giving me an incomplete form to give to my lawyer is not doing things amicably and that this is not a good start for how he has stated repeatedly he wants us to behave.
I feel like he’s walking all over me with each factual, emotionless email he sends I feel like he’s deep in more running behaviour as well as “someone else can deal with it” which is totally his MO.
I’m upset about the L $ that will inevitably be spent but I’m also pi**ed that he’s running the show how he wants.
I really want to write back a well worded response but feel like I’m beating my head against a wall to prove what point? To stick up for myself when I’ve had no voice for so long? HE DOESN'T CARE.
I feel like if I retain my L now and not write anything back to H its me rolling over/conceding and therefore satisfying/ justifying for him. My intent is still to be kind but how do I get his paperwork without L intervention OR at least point out that he is certainly not being forthcoming or amicable? I feel I need some kind of mental satisfaction here ... am I missing an option? My intent is also not to hold him up ...but I will not lift a finger to help him proceed either.
I didn’t think to ask the question: Am I entitled to get his FDA paperwork direct from his layer if H won’t deal with me?
I’m like a circling seagull right now ....round and round I go. Pls someone 2x4 me and stop the cycle! Lol
