Learning how to link threads...how do people get there previous title above instead of the long ugly URL?

Ready for a long post?? Here we go:

It continues to be a rough week and a half over here while struggling with a nasty virus/infection that has knocked me out. Being off of work and having time to “rest and recover” has not been good for me. I am much better to myself and feel stronger when I’m busy...but obviously had no choice to just be with my thoughts and feelings.
Quick update:
H continues to ignore me as much as possible when he’s home and not working...unless it is to ask me about a L. I hear him talking on the phone when he’s home and it’s like everything is completely normal. This truly makes me feel like I’m insane. One new behaviour is watching tv REALLY loud! In the beginning right after BD he would constantly wear earphones and/or hum to himself...now it’s whenever he’s home the Tv is on at an excessive volumes. I’ve read this on others’ threads ....why do they do this? Distraction? Why has he pulled waaayyy further away again? I continue to ignore him and only exchange minimal pleasantries ...again seems so counterproductive to BD “we are roommates”.

On the L front ... I had some setbacks due to scheduling/illness which of course did not sit well with H. He still wants everything done like yesterday! And lashes out at me threatening court etc...we haven’t even completed a SA!!!
I have educated myself with consultations and have settled on my L choice when I NEED one...I feel strongly that we do not need to involve them in the gathering of documents for the $disclosure...unfortunately H has already proven to be not forthcoming and angry as soon as his business is brought up. The law is the law and I remind myself constantly that splitting marital assets is not me being vindictive....it becomes business. Thank you job, DnJ, cadet and everyone else for that. I drafted a very to the point email to H that after speaking to my L theses are the documents required to start the SA and to pls let me know once he’s collected all of the supporting docs and then we can move on from there. It’s A LOT because of the business. I’m expecting fireworks! I will dig deep to “stay calm and keep dB-ing on” once I get H’s response. If he wants to progress to involving L’s now I will have no choice but to start the process and start the$$ bleed.

Me: I struggle at times greatly with still focusing on H’s behaviour and his total disregard for me. I truly believe there is no turning back for him (will not look within...just not his nature) which squishes my hope. I also feel the longer this goes on it’s becoming harder to respect this person I care deeply about. I found out yesterday that he’s been looking at homes and as much as I struggle when he’s here and am sometimes relieved when he’s not home for a few days (due to work) I’m worried that I will feel another loss and the flare up of extreme sadness when he does go. Such confusing emotions all the time. I continue to try and keep a PMA and dive into my hobbies, my sports and time spent with family and friends.

Fear is still within me, which I believe is party the catalyst when I’m overcome with uncontrollable sadness. I continue to look inwards to learn what specifically I am fearful of and what I can do about it. Irrational or not I feel I fear the loss of the relationship...I fear the lawyer process...I fear my own feelings at times. I fear where I will live....I fear loss of my security both financially and emotionally. I fear the feeling of feeling lost. I fear Im not doing enough to be okay with myself however this turns out. I fear not knowing what I want out of life right now. That’s a lot of fear and unresolve.

DnJ I would love for you to expand on how to influence fear...

Thank you for reading...hoping to physically feel fully better soon so I can get back to GAL.