Right, I'm definitely not bringing up the relationship. We talk about everything but that, and I make sure to let him initiate conversation or topic unless it's important, like an issue with the kids, etc. I don't think we're at the point where I could initiate hanging out just the two of us. I don't want to seem pushy. I'm looking for more signs that he is comfortable enough to reconnect in that way. Once that is clear, yes, I'd absolutely like to do some activities together.
I am in the master bedroom. He is in the sun room. There's a futon, and one of those cube shelving organizers for some of his clothing. Initially we laid some boundaries, like he would use the other bathroom and be responsible for his own food, aside from family dinners.
I recently offered for him to sleep in the master while I was working (I work overnight; he's a typical 9-5.) The sun room is having heating issues, and outside is around freezing temperatures. When I said this, I clarified that I didn't want to make things weird and wanted to be respectful, then he left the room and cried. I'm not sure what to make of that. I had expected some distance afterwards, but there hasn't been any at all. We still talk warmly at least twice a day face to face, and he usually texts me a couple times through the day. As far as I can tell, he hasn't slept in the master.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Things that typically work are counter intuitive. Right now, I would not talk about the R and the issues. At some place in the future, talking about the R issues may help...I am not an expert in this. Someone else may give better guidance. Just do things together that one of you enjoys. Singing Karaoke is not my thing, but I go with my lady because she enjoys it. I enjoy watcher her "do her thing". I will even (enthusiastically) sing with her, not because I want to, but because she asks me to. Same thing, she will go with me fishing. Not because she wants to go fishing, but she enjoys watching me "do my thing". Make sense?
Since we are talking to you, go with him and do something that he enjoys. You just enjoy being with him while he is doing his thing. Right now, make the events "his thing"....when the R is more on track, you can bring up "Doing your thing" together.
During this phase of the process, your goal is to reduce resentment. We always say focus on YOU and what you control. Forgiveness is a choice. You find ways to reduce your resentment and behave in ways that do not escalate his.
