Hi, Belleva. Wow, just reading your recap there, so many things stood out as similar in my sitch, my H suddenly proclaiming he's always lived his life for others, always done what I wanted to do, was pretending to be someone else just to make me happy, etc. I mean, I've read echoes of it all over here, too, but from time to time the doubts creep in, the questions everyone here seems to have at some point (Did I miss something? Should I have known he was feeling this way? Was he really feeling this way for most of our R?). I didn't pull out the box of letters and read them to him, miraculously, but I did at one point read them to myself and was like, oh, right, I really don't think he was faking all of this!
I'm nearly nine months in now and moved from the Newcomers board to the MLC board, because I think H is at least MLC-adjacent, and I just wanted send you support and say I would love to share some tea with you!
My H has been in IC pretty much since this started, and he doesn't share really any of it with me, but from some things he's said, I assume he will hear what he wants to hear from IC until he has a more open mind and heart and is ready to grapple with the stuff that's going on inside him, rather than focus more on the external factors he connects to his unhappiness. Others can weigh in here, but I guess some ICs are less invested in M than others. But when our Hs are in a state where they're already using everything they can to justify their actions, I don't think it's a stretch to think they'll take the statement about feelings, for example, and hear: You can do whatever you want without guilt, because, ultimately, your wife is going to feel what she feels!
One day at a time is good. Good for you for not emailing H yesterday! And water aerobics sounds like fun. Is it something you've just taken up recently?
