May, He says he can’t find a place. I legit found 2 places in his price range in the neighborhoods he’s looking in available April 1 in the time between him telling me and me posting on here. It’s a stalling tactic. I’m not dumb. He doesn’t know what he wants so he’s trying to buy 30-60 more days to see if he can figure it out. Let us not forgot the entire world knows WH is confused and has been but the love if my life just figured that out like a week ago. Me lamenting a few weeks ago that we had actually finally entered limbo. That was it. My limbo has existed since I found out about the EA and he refused to stop. His is brand new.
I told him he’s welcome to stay as long as he likes. He wants to go. I already told him what I want so I don’t know why he’d think I’d care if he wants to stay longer. He asked if I could say that with less crazy eyes and while wielding a knife, then laughed. I might have mentioned my family likes to ambush me while I cook.
He climbed in bed at 2am last and spooned me and slept there until the alarm went off. I still feel like he’s communicating with OW. So I don’t have my hopes on starting an R any time soon. But It’s literally like he woke up a week ago a saw me for the first time. Like me and our life was invisible. And now he sees it in full view for the first time in months and he’s panicking. It’s an interesting twist. I spent November and December and a good chunk of January in a full on panic. I’m just honestly grateful he’s moved from thinking this whole life was sh*t to acknowledged indecision. Even if it’s not that. Even if it’s just him slowing down the running I’m grateful. The running full force blindly into this new fantasy life really worried me for D15. Her mom still doesn’t have her life together. She’s still couch surfing even though she promised D15 there’d be an apartment by March 1. There isn’t.
I don’t know what’s coming next. And I’m going to do my best to not worry and just accept the gift of time he gave us. And our girls.
