4 years pieced and still a work in progress!

[may22]

Blu, from my days as an animal trainer... is there a way you can make the goal easier for your H to achieve? So instead of planning a whole date from scratch (which he'll fail at, either not do or do something boring) you give him some set options to work from? Or alternatively, he plans something that is totally boring but you still reinforce it really heavily (because at least he planned it), make him feel great, and then the next time give him hints to help him stretch a bit more?

Another idea (sorry, I know I'm a solutioner and that can be really annoying, I also TOTALLY UNDERSTAND how you're feeling and maybe don't want a lot of ideas right now) is to write him a letter or an email? Say how the best gift he can give you for (special occasion) would be to plan something along these lines-- again make it easy for him to succeed, or rely on a friend or a kid to help guide him? I have read that sometimes having a written letter is more impactful than saying in person, because you can be really clear and they can refer back to it, plus it carries a formality and weight that speaking in person doesn't really have.

on other topics... I hate those snooty people who are too good for TV! Or whatever. Try not to let their judgmental nonsense bring you down! And I'm glad he's improved a lot in his NMG behaviors.

Like I said before, the issue right now is more my lack of motivation to create more closeness. I think we will need to flesh out a few things and I think we both are avoiding the inevitable arguments that will come with that.

I guess I'm just not totally connecting on this. Is there any way to unhinge your lack of motivation for closeness to whatever conversations need to be had that will lead to arguments? This is probably naive but it kind of seems like if you could set cultivating more closeness as a first goal, that could lead to scenarios where the next steps could happen in a place where you're both feeling better about each other and the R and therefore less arguing or at least more constructive conversations about the things that need to be fleshed out?