So glad to hear this. I posted on my own timeline about releasing guilt and anxiety about being happy in the moment for where you are... and I'm happy you're feeling good and hopeful, and I'm also feeling those same things on your behalf. You do have a right to feel angry about her behavior, but you also have a right to feel happy in the good parts too. Seatbelts still of course but take joy where you can, in your daily life and in the growth you've experienced and are still experiencing as you move forward.
On her contacting AP.. from all I've read (in books and here) it is really, really common (especially the justification that she needed to check in and make sure she was OK) and I don't think it means much except that this is really hard for your W right now and she slipped. Yes, she needs to stop the contact in order for you guys to move forward but she told you about it and you can only go forward from there. If you are open to it and think your W is too, one thing I might say to her is the W is not the appropriate person to check in on her right now. That isn't healthy for her. She needs to lean on her other support systems in order to heal. For your W to check back in on her didn't just reset your W's clock, but it did the same for AP... she'll never be able to heal without separation from your W, and it isn't kind of your W to assuage her own guilt by reaching out and making it honestly more difficult for AP to move on. Maybe framing it that way might help your W? As hard as this is, there is no reason to make it harder for AP too? I say this because one of your W's reasons for ending it with AP is that she doesn't think W could be the right person for AP in the long run IIRC, and so reasons framed around being the right thing to do by AP could help stiffen W's resolve here.
Where are the dogs staying?
xx M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
