I'm so sorry to read your updates. If he's having an affair that clarifies a lot of things for you. It's somewhat of a process to go from married and sharing your life with your husband who you love to suddenly cutting off contact with him and living like a single person. For years it was probably second nature for you to wake him up. You didn't even have to think twice about it. It's not easy to adapt to these new circumstances.
I recently went through a series of cleaning and organization projects in my home after realizing the systems in place here (or lack thereof) were causing things to get lost or piled up. It didn't get fixed in one afternoon however. It took weeks of moving things around, buying new furniture, donating things, and re-arranging everything before the new systems could go on auto-pilot mode. I feel like it must be similar in your situation - you have to re-program your thoughts, decide about your pets, consult an attorney, find new hobbies for yourself, and all that before your 'new' life will start to make sense.
It's sad and unfortunate this is happening because you sound like a wonderful person and your husband knows how great you are. He's acting the way he's acting to justify his affair and to avoid putting the blame on himself. He wants to enjoy his (hopefully short-lived) affair because that's what makes him happy in this moment but he's not taking into account the commitments he made to you when he married you. Sure he probably has resentment towards you for rejecting his advances or not agreeing to move closer to his work earlier or whatever the issues may be, however, cheating is not the honorable way to fix hardships within a marriage. If he tried everything possible and you two mutually agreed there's nothing else to try and then seek a divorce that's one thing. Being unhappy and having an affair is another.
If you made it clear that you won't accept cheating and you have proof he's cheating then for now it seems you're doing the right thing by following the DB book and planning for your life without him. I wish you wouldn't have to do this. I really appreciate your support to me and I hope I can be here for you during this difficult time. Just like me you were successful in saving your marriage the first time. You want to save your marriage a second time and that shows your commitment and willingness to honor your vows. You're a good person. I admire you and you have only my sympathy in dealing with a lying cheating husband and this bad situation you find yourself in.
