My DB journey thus far

[SteveLW]

Steve/AS,

As always appreciate the advice. Need some more now.

The dinner was the kind of thing not easily changeable. Steve, I was surprised and eager to go, and given the circumstances we went. IMO the dinner went well and had a first date vibe. Things got awkward afterwards, but overall felt good. I expected the ending and wall to kick back up, so was prepared.

Trying to figure out where I go from here. Half a year into this. Communication decent. Breadcrumbs. No OM to best of my knowledge and my gut feeling. Up and down from W as expected. Recently, W accused me of having another woman. W was acting as if I should be talking to her more and possibly asking her on dates was an impression I got.

I am more recently feeling confidence, figuring out how to command respect and that I will be OK either way. I still prefer to Recon with my W, but I also question this as everyone does. I know she still doesn't fully respect or trust me. I don't understand the trust issue other than the nature of being separated.

I guess my question is how to play this out. My impression is that W thinks we start dating again at some point. I really can't tell, but I am considering asking her to do something. Or just keep working on myself. I guess there is no set rule as long as I don't have expectations.

I always hear to put energy into myself instead of WAW, but I also feel someone has to make a move at some point. Or maybe not and wait for the obvious sign. Just not sure where asking the W to do things fits in if at all.

First on this: "W accused me of having another woman. W was acting as if I should be talking to her more and possibly asking her on dates was an impression I got. " Typical WAW tactic. If you were trying to talk to her more and asking her out (remember, she asked you out this time, she had been saying no to your requests) she'd accuse you of smothering her. You cannot win with a WAW spouse. Darned if you do, darned if you don't. The fact is that she doesn't feel that way about you and she will find an excuse no matter what you do.

"I guess my question is how to play this out. My impression is that W thinks we start dating again at some point. I really can't tell, but I am considering asking her to do something. Or just keep working on myself. I guess there is no set rule as long as I don't have expectations.

I always hear to put energy into myself instead of WAW, but I also feel someone has to make a move at some point. Or maybe not and wait for the obvious sign. Just not sure where asking the W to do things fits in if at all."

I still see you struggling against DBing. Lots of hem-hawing and contradiction. Continue to GAL. Make GAL your priority! Next time she asks to go to dinner, the worst thing you can do is jump on it again. "Sorry, busy that night. Can we take a rain check? Next time we talk we can nail down a date." You are so excited about a breadcrumb that you are sucking it down before it hits the floor! Keep self-improving. You want to 180 on your past poor behavior so whenever you interact with her she sees those changes. (REMEMBER, never point out your improvements!!) and then make sure you are detached. Anything she says or does should roll off your back like water off of a duck.