But even as I go to atty I feel it will escalate things to where they were with his EW... he will have a knee jerk reaction of previous experience and shut down and bring on the fight.
Bringing in your own attorney only means a "fight" if one of you wants one. The result of most fights doesn't change the outcome much---you should get 50% of the assets, and then whomever makes more money pays the person who makes less money a good chunk of that for a number of years relative to the length of the marriage in spousal support. Your attorney should be able to tell you the norm in your state.
