Thanks BenB

[SteveLW]

Mumin, you've been getting great advice from the posters here. I would just like to add, that respect is paramount in these situations. COMMAND respect, do not demand it.

For instance, not even entertaining moving out of the MBR or the marital home is COMMANDING respect. I love the: "I live here. You want, I wish you the best." That is commanding respect.

I get a lot of questions related to why my sitch turned around so fast, and that I was able to save it. As I read other people's sitches one thing comes back: RESPECT. My W never stopped respecting me. She never did anything, even in the middle of our sitch, to blatantly disrespect me. Sure having an EA was disrespectful, but she did her best to hide that from me. But where I see she respected me, even above and beyond her saying she did, was that she never even hinted at staying in the house. Her plan from the get-go was to get a job, get an apartment and get a D. She never broached the idea of me leaving or giving up the house. She didn't even want to get half of everything (I think that was more guilt than respect but I think there was an aspect of respect involved.)

Point? Command respect. Use action, not words. If she gets on phone with OM, leave. Don't tell her you're leaving, just get up and get out of the house. If she does it again after that, do it again. Consistent behavior will get the message across. Consider moving her out of the MBR. Don't tell her to move out of it, MOVE her out yourself. WHen she protests, listen and validate. But stand your ground. "I refuse to share the MBR with a cheater."

And then ask her to leave the house. Legally she probably doesn't have to. But make it known that you don't even want to share a house with a cheater.

You need to command respect, even if it upsets her. Moving her out of the MBR will upset her, but she will upset you.