Hi belle, sorry you are in this horrible mess. I know the pain you are going through. It’s good that you have your goals but I see them mostly focused around him, and how you interact with him, how you think and feel about him. Try and also have some goals that are about YOU, or that do not involve him or have you consciously thinking about him. Find things that will make you feel good about you. I know night time is particularly hard.

I think you are in the uk aren’t you, like me? This is PERFECT because when you should be sleeping, most peeps on here are in the US and wide awake and will help you through dark times. One night recently I wanted to go to my H at 2am (he was in another bedroom) and people here helped me through it. It’s a real blessing. Keep a little checklist by your bed of dos and donts , or some quotes, so that you can quickly ground yourself when you feel like you are falling over the edge. Be strong, you can get through this x

M:49 H:49
T:20 M:18
D:16 D:14

EA: Feb 2019-May 2020
Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020
H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020
EA relapse: Oct/Nov 2020
Recon #2: since Nov 2020