I am not sure if I should leave the ball in his court (i.e wait for him to bring it up) or to ask him how he wants to proceed. I know the right Db action would be to let him do the heavy lifting and just make myself available, prepare in the background, but being my H, it may never move beyond the first mediation session. I really don't know. Do I sit on my hands and then go through this again in six months??
Oy, yeah that's a tricky one from my perspective. Yes, DB says leave it be, let him guide this unless you truly want a D, which you don't. However. I agree that with your H this could lead to a limbo extended for quite a while, and that's really, really hard.
If the house wasn't going to be sold my thoughts might be different. You are on a path to change and separation. I don't think you can move forward towards your new home without certain details ironed out, and that's what is really needed in this mediation and the steps that may go with it. Otherwise you're just moving limbo from one home to another, and it may get even murkier if H makes himself at home in your new place (ie naps/going through drawers). I could see that happening. I don't think you want that.
So, perhaps you give it a bit of time (a few weeks?) to allow him to do what he will (nothing). And then prod him as you mentioned.
Without that, I think you're right that you would be here again in 6 months. But with more anger built up and resentment and frustration. I don't know that it would change your direction or H's direction by waiting. And I think you're at the point where you do need to take steps to exit this limbo.
I know you're in an especially difficult time now, FS, and I know what we think of your H or R does not matter. Only you matter and what you think. But if I might - I think these changes will ultimately be good. I have no idea what your future holds with you and your H and I don't think he's a bad guy at all. So it's not like I'm thinking "leave him!" in my head - I'm not. I do think though that in your sitch in particular you need to exit this limbo for YOU. You have been creating stability for your kiddos - and even some stability for H! - while you experience great instability internally for so long. I think that was the right way to handle things. And now, from my perspective, I think this movement in a new direction to give YOU stability and not this limbo is the right move.
