Thanks for the input, DnJ. I don’t feel a rush to bring it up. I doubt he will.
The increase in rent has made me feel again how dependent I am on him financially to live. I tried to push that thought out of my mind today, since it’s out of my control for now. This evening I found out I didn’t get the very PT gig I interviewed for a couple of weekends ago, which wouldn’t have helped much anyway, but the news did get me down. I was hoping I would come home to a house without H and could just have a quiet night, try to cheer myself up. He was gone and just as I started my dinner he came back and immediately put on a record he got, it appears, at a concert last night. It’s grating on me, though I’m trying to channel the PMA I had this weekend. It took a lot of energy to enjoy the music then. Tonight I just don’t have that energy. I’m trying and failing not to think about every concert we went to when we were younger. I’m angry that he seems to be reliving that life without me, and it’s not even something I’d want to do for myself, see bands, because I don’t get pleasure from music right now. I’m sure that will return eventually, but now I just crave quiet.
I know his running off to concerts is not directed at me. Why does it hurt me? The music drifts through the house, and to me it screams: Your H is your roommate! He is home and not even talking to you! Can you believe how things have turned out?! I have trouble mentally separating myself from him and the situation when there’s an H-imposed soundtrack.
So I should go to my room and put headphones on? Turn on the TV like I had planned and let it compete with his music? I just want to be alone here right now.
