I don’t think we attract broken people. I think there are more broken people than we know. We all learn to hide our wounds and scars well enough only those who are closest to us can see them.
Yesterday was tough. H came home looking distraught so I knew it would be one of those nights. Started “dumping” on me again...about work and his ongoing fight with his mother. He got agitated talking about his mom and shouted out something and scared our S3 who was doing hw right next to him. S3 started crying, and H immediately apologized but told S3 to stop crying and focus on his hw. Just..wtf. Telling a scared, crying child to do his hw?? I walked S3 to his bedroom and asked S1 to sit with his little brother for a bit.
I wanted to ask H to leave. He was emotional unstable, and it was bleeding all over us again. But I also knew he needed to talk. He made suicidal comments. He was upset about his mother. He was a mess. I just listened. I interrupted him a few times on purpose to break his streak of venting by either checking on the children or using the bathroom (yes, I’ve resorted to using potty breaks to get away lol).
and of course, now it’s a pattern that when he has a bad day, he brings up D. Same old playbook, the only difference this time is that he did not accuse me that I want to find another man!! And this time I did not explicitly said that I do not want to D, nor did I say I’m standing for the M. Because honestly, I am heading that direction of thinking that this is near the end of us. After he did all the talking he asked me, “must we do this?” I said, do what, divorce? I laughed and asked him, I don’t know, must we?
In the end I excused myself saying that it’s getting late and I really need to prep the kids’ lunches for tomorrow.
I talked to the kids this morning about last night also. Mostly to reassure them that I am okay, and we are okay. Daddy wasn’t yelling at me. Gave them a long hug and told them that I love them. I know they were worried. And I could sense that they felt better after our conversation. I’m glad they still have me and my parents who undoubtedly add so much more stability and love to their lives.
