Sounding cautiously positive! The fact that he's the one looking into signing you up for the weekend program is a good thing-- I might recommend not pushing and not mentioning it, letting him get you both signed up all by himself.
Thank you and agreed. Since it's through his work, he is the one that has to do all of it, fortunately!
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What is his deal exactly with his other place and work situation? When does his lease there end (do you know)?
He had signed a year lease at the beginning of October, but knew he would be able to break it sans penalty when he is deployed in June. He has to be in our town for predeployment stuff in April for most of the month, and has expressed being annoyed that he can't break it without penalty then. We will see. He left this morning and left some stuff at our house on purpose, since he is coming back Friday evening, then flying out for a school for 2 weeks on Sunday. He left his empty laundry hamper, saying he won't need it at his place since he will only be there a few days...but idk he'd need it eventually?
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When you say you were intimate once but tried a few other times-- was that you initiating and him saying no? (or just too much booze?)
Nah - mutually agreed upon being too tired, or staying out too late, etc. He hasn't ever said no if I initiate, and I haven't during this time as well. I've been more vocal about wanting to, and he always was vocal about it, so the want was there.
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It sounds like he's definitely making an effort, and probably nice for you guys to spend time with friends together and have it be relaxing and fun, and he can see that it won't be all strange because of the situation. I think it is also a good sign that he was excited to introduce you to new friends of his etc. I agree not to push on the move or anything-- in fact one nice thing about him being gone during the week is it really gives you a little space to reflect on what is and isn't working. Last week it sounded like you asked a lot of permission before physical contact-- is that still happening?
I have stopped asking permission for physical contact - I am more comfortable with now knowing he is OK with it, and he was initiating it more over the weekend. We are both pretty anti-PDA, but I have definitely felt like I needed more reassurance with hugs, holding hands, etc. He never said he was uncomfortable with any of it, and definitely has put in effort to be more present with initiating it as well. I am glad to have a few days apart before he comes back, and then will have the 2 weeks while he is out of town, and am hopeful that since the dynamic has changed, he will miss me even more.
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Fingers and toes crossed for you, SamCal... sounds like things are definitely improving! Keep up the DBing and I would also caution keep your expectations in check-- seems like the road is never straight and you don't want to let a curve throw you off your game.
Thank you, I appreciate it. We definitely had some points of friction over the weekend, but both were committed to working through them instead of giving up or ignoring them. He is definitely putting in actual effort. He seemed to want to plan a lot of things for the future over the weekend. He says a lot of things, but thankfully now is doing more action-related things instead of only words. I am still trying to temper my expectations and not rush into things.
It's been sorta odd since he has been staying at our house - we had just moved in at the end of August so he was only there 2 months before BD/MO. I've been in the house alone longer than with him. It is definitely "our" house, though - we had it built and I can tell he misses it, especially when compared to his place now.
In terms of my 180s, I think I did really well over the weekend. I didn't nag or mention any mess that he made, didn't engage when he was being a crab, opened up instead of holding things in.
Between weekends before, I was unsure if he was staying at our house, but now I do know he is staying at our house this weekend b/c he made that clear. I am still wary to trust things, but haven't had any failures where I am, either. He has been vocal to me and others about wanting things to work, and it's nice to see those actions as well. I am hurt still that he doesn't wear his wedding ring, but I haven't brought it up and won't.
