WW Patience, Limbo amd Fear

[Core]

On the topic of unconditional love...you can stay or leave a marriage and still love that person. I certainly have conditions to remain in the M however I believe I will always have love for the inner being that is my W. At this point though I dont know who the real her is...the woman that seduced me, the one who appeared at good times, bad times or the woman in between. I think the insecure, desiring and sharing love person is her but I dont know. I dont know which person is real and who is the mask. Its unreal.

You guys have convinced me to give it more time but it seems impossibly hard. I still question if D is better for the kids.

In response to Steves points:
1) I still care on some level and want ro resolve things before we both have both feet out the door. Seeing how alarming the file was, I worry about Ws mental health. If she got pushed to D by our chat then maybe thats a good thing for all of us.

2) To see where she is at. To see if I'm being used. To see if I should protect myself legally.

3) I see your point. Im not sure if ripping off the band aid quickly or slowly is better.

In regards to the file, I can understand other Ws write out some feelings. I'd love to post the whole thing to get your take. Here is a portion and why I'm wondering if I need to leave: "I F hate you and your mother F personality. Youre a Mother F stupid piece of S who is insecure, selfish and doesnt know himself, me and is clueless as to what a marriage is. I F hate you and the way you talk, the stupid way you walk". This continues on. As this was saved on a PC, I could see when it was edited which was 3 weeks ago. The worst things i ever said about W are probably on this board. No where near as intense and hurtful.

If she hates me this much, how long until a false abuse claim? How long till the kids are affected by the vibe? D4 seems affected, she no longer comes to me for anything. Maybe a phase or because im barely home anymore, still, this is getting bad under the surface. This file is way more intense than the ones I found around D day. She seems worse, not better after my DBing.