Learning how to stand, hope, & keep moving

[DnJ]

Good Morning cardinal

Well done with the music. I think 95% of all songs about love. My goodness those can tug on the heart.

Remaining calm, speaking to H, sing a long a bit, and then going back to what you were doing. That is great.

Yet I still wake up with a pit in my stomach some days full of love and longing and, yeah, still a tiny bit of disbelief.

Yes, this does take time. Be patient and stay the course. One day, and sooner than you feel, you wake up and realize you don’t feel that way. You realize you haven’t for quite a few mornings, and it has gone unnoticed.

The love and longing, the disbelief; all those emotions attenuate, lessen greatly. It’s so welcomed and unwelcome at the same time. Indifference is a strange place. Don’t worry your loving feelings do return later - just without all the unwanted triggers. And disbelief and shock do become acceptance.

I strangely missed that pit in my stomach feeling. In the weeks after I even tried to find it again; it’s interesting what we cling to. Letting go is difficult.

Maybe right now I can't let go of my fear. Maybe I should at least accept that. I'm afraid he'll walk out of my life and our time spent together will only be in memories. How do I let go of that fear?

It starts with exactly what you’re doing. Acknowledging where you are and where you are heading.

I do think you and I are cut of similar cloth; we both need a certain about of understanding before we can move forward, let go, accept, whatever it is we are doing.

Fear is that irrational grip from possible future events.

You are afraid of him walking out, your life and his, all that time, will exist only in memory. I lived, and live that.

Our lives, our past, only exists in memory.

Yes it does influence and affect the present and the future. However, the past is immutable. The present is here and now. And we look to the future.

How do you let go of that fear? You first recognize it. You fear a future where all that remains is your memories. There are many possibilities, the future is unknown, and that may or may not happen.

When something we fear happens, it becomes present, it becomes here and now. No longer a future possibility, since it is now an event, we deal with it as a concern.

Rationalize and logically uncouple your fear. You presently live a more or less roommate life. You’re still here. You’re doing great. Life is good.

Let go your past. Live the here and now. Embrace and look towards your unknown future. Your future, not H’s, not your’s and H’s - your future.

I do not know what your future holds. I do know it will not be like your past; you have grown and changed and will not accept things as they were. Your future is bright and better. And nothing to fear.

that fear... I think it drives every other one.

Very good. Think it. Rationalize it.

This fear does affect others doesn’t it?

Let go of control and fear, and much falls into place.

DnJ