1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[Pommy99]

Oh Pommy, this is all so very, very difficult. And to have to work from home with him must be unbearable. Can you go to a coffee shop or something?

I chose to WFH because he was also home...I know that was not a great move perhaps! But thing is, we are fine in each other’s company. He’s fine because he’s emotionally detached and I’m fine because I’m not emotionally detached and enjoy being in the house together ! :-)

Here are my thoughts-- no matter what decision he makes, trial separation, real separation, stay-- it has GOT to be his decision. He can't outsource it to you or feel like you're forcing him into anything. Can you lock it up for the next week and give him the space he needs to make this decision? Meaning, probably not inviting him into the MBR tonight (I'm right that he leaves tomorrow?) and then just being as dark as possible on the phone this week-- nice and friendly when he reaches out but not initiating anything yourself-- all the rules Steve has laid out in any number of our threads?

ugh he did stay in MBR last night. He was hesitant because he said it complicates things and he doesn’t want to give me the wrong message. I said it was better as he was up at 5am and if he stayed in other room and used other bathroom he’d wake the kids. I agreed that I wouldn’t read anything into it. So we went to bed, he squeezed my hand and we said night, little kiss. I went back to my side and he pulled me over and wrapped his arms round me. And that’s how we fell asleep. Ugh. Ugh. It means nothing, right?

And then today he started texting about 11am, asking how I was, what time I got up etc.

I saw my IC tonight. She has asked me when am I going to accept that he doesn’t want to be in the M. How many times does he need to tell me? It’s been going on for a year. She says he offers nothing that a H should offer-no physical connection, no emotional support, he just a good friend. I can’t argue with that, but I am questioning whether she is right about me not accepting that he wants to leave. She says he has both feet out of the door but is hanging on with his little finger. I don’t know whether I am truly blind or in denial about this, or whether he is genuinely unsure.

That said, I am inclined to treat separation as an end to the M and not a trial. IC says with a trial sep we should be looking at counselling, ways to find out what’s workable, whereas he is not interested in any of that. She says I need to make the ground rules for separation, not him.

I’m really confused tbh. Or am I just in denial? As always, I’m trying to save this M so calling out a full separation with a view to D is not sitting well with me.