My heart hurts for you. My heart hurts for everyone here. The pain is palpable. I am very new to all of this and still spinning so I am in no position to give advice. I just want to say my heart hurts for you. For a really long time I've felt like some alien took over my husband's body. This past week I've read stories on here from all of you and I see now that there must be a whole planet of these aliens out there because your H and mine and so many on here seem to have a similar script on perpetual replay. The ambivalence, the back and forth, one minute in and the next out. It totally messes with our minds and hearts doesn't it? You are strong and graceful and your head is held high. That comes through clearly in your posts. You are a goddess. (I wake up every day and say "be strong. be graceful. be the bigger person." Then I fail and fall and try to dust myself off and get up.) If he does go through with the rental it might give you both some space and time. And it might make everything a lot more real for him.
